smilebackwards

the debt shall be paid

Tue, 12 May 2026 02:54:06 GMT

The Moon is Down by John Steinbeck. This was apparently written as WWII era propaganda for nations that had been invaded by Germany and they translated and secretly printed copies. It's about a fictional town under occupation and how the people clandestinely fight back--escaping, slowing work, general everyday hostility, dynamiting railroad tracks, not giving up, etc. Honestly some of it feels relevant to today with regards to capitalism and the current rise of fascism.

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Mostly I've been catching up on some classic movies I never watched. Memento, The Hurt Locker, Lawrence of Arabia, My Own Private Idaho, Everything Everywhere All at Once. EEAAO was fun and did make me cry over the fucking rocks and the mother/daughter relationship and the 'I would have liked just doing laundry and taxes with you' scene.

Also watched Good Luck Have Fun Don't Die which I enjoyed as a weird timeloop movie. Immediately clocked Dino Fetscher in his bit part but did not realize for the entire movie that Sam Rockwell was the main character. Then I looked up what else Dino Fetscher is in lately and unfortunately I cannot find Welsh detective show Under Salt Marsh anywhere because I would watch that. Will just have to watch him and Ben Daniels in season 2 of Foundation again.

Fandomwise, I'm still trapped in my obsession with Scott and Kip from the hockey show and I made a fic rec list for fun and community service since this is not the ship 99% of the fandom is obsessed with but there is great fic for people to read!

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no myth is safely broken

Thu, 07 May 2026 03:45:56 GMT

Nightwood by Djuna Barnes. Hmm, okay, I feel like this was 80% incomprehensible and I was actively resenting my decision to finish reading it but I was maybe into the last couple chapters? There was at least some interesting poetical concepts and phrasing.

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In TV, I finished watching Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (season 2) which continues to be a ridiculous, clunky show about chasing monsters and having family trauma and I love it. flareonfury harpieicons has been making icons so I finally have an icon of my faves, the 50s era squad. I did actually watch the Kong: Skull Island movie (which I think was weak despite Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson being hot) before this season and it gave some context but wasn't ultimately necessary. Random thoughts ( spoilers )

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i am sold twice over

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 03:35:41 GMT

As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann. Totally enthralled by this. It was ~600 pages and I read it in less than 4 days kind of enthralled. Extremely well written and gut-wrenching historical fiction set in 1600s England. Tortured, obsessive, unreliable narrator POV character Jacob has an okay life until he burns it to the fucking ground and then he does it all over again, like holy fuck. Described as 'erotic', which is very true, but manages to do it without being explicit. I am wrecked by ( spoilers ) I will be thinking about this one. (So many trigger warnings. Be fully prepared if you consider reading this book.)

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Watched another short series Agatha Christie adaptation Why Didn't They Ask Evans? This one definitely did not telegraph the twists like Seven Dials but almost to the opposite point where I'm like wait, did all the pieces fit together?

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i'm claiming the right to be unhappy

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 00:49:10 GMT

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Damn, okay. Disturbingly recognizable dystopia.

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In TV, I finished Shrinking (season 3). Continues to be a solid, funny show. This would have been a good series ending but it sounds like they're already renewed for season 4 so will see where that goes. Fuck Parkinson's.

Also watched Seven Dials which I guess is considered a series despite being just 3 episodes. I think it was fine although none of the twists were surprising. Maybe I've read so much Agatha Christie that the general patterns are recognizable.

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the rule was to choose not to know

Thu, 26 Mar 2026 20:07:28 GMT

Ice by Anna Kavan. Apocalypse via gigantic moving walls of ice while an insane dude chases a girl around the world. This was trippy. None of the characters are named. There are abrupt and seemingly impossible POV shifts. It's very psychological horror to follow this obsessed misogynist and his thought processes. Gives similar psychological/climate horror vibes as J. G. Ballard's The Drowned World and the writing hits.

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In TV, I finished Starfleet Academy (season 1) and apparently they have already cancelled it, boo. Was it a little clunky, sure, but all the characters were really fun! I LOVE my Klingon med student Jay-Den and sunshine War College student Kyle and admiral's daughter Genesis and they all deserve more screen time. This show let me see a Vulcan use the phrase 'eat glass' and Paramount has the audacity to cancel it??

In good news though, I went to see Project Hail Mary and it was a great, hopeful space movie. Might go see it again <3 Also need to find if anyone has made any Rocky icons. He's my new best friend.

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sooner or later somebody was bound to say it

Sun, 08 Mar 2026 00:11:46 GMT

Solaris by Stanislaw Lem. Space explorers are tortured with hallucinations by a semi-sentient alien ocean. This was pretty fucked up and I enjoyed it. Watched the George Clooney film after reading the book and I think the film tried to match the vibe but somehow it was too idk sleek(?) to be appropriately unsettling to me.

[DNF] Dubliners by James Joyce. Series of kind of vaguely dark, disconcerting slice of life short stories set in Dublin. Not enjoying it so I'm DNFing it halfway through.

[DNF] House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende. I'm letting myself DNF this one too unfortunately. This is my second read attempt and I got farther this time but despite magical realism being interesting to me, I just don't care for it. It reminds me of One Hundred Years of Solitude which I was forcing myself through a bit toward the end.

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In TV, I finished Bridgerton (season 4). The first half felt kind of wooden to me but I liked the second half a lot better. Except that they hid a scene at the end of the credits which is annoying to me! (I was trying to remember which other shows I've watched did this and one of them was X-Men '97.) Why do this? Anyway, Francesca has become one of my favorites and I'm excited for the expected continuation of her storyline.

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if you don't love her now you'll be too late

Fri, 13 Feb 2026 00:49:21 GMT

Strong Poison by Dorothy Sayers. I did find Peter more enjoyable in this mystery as many people mentioned. Also liked the introduction of Harriet Vane and Miss Climpson. Feel like I will sporadically continue this series when I don't have other books in my reading queue.

Silverview by John Le Carre. Love a spy novel and Le Carre is always good for it. Apparently this was his final novel. RIP. This book reminded me of the movie Black Bag that came out last year (and I loved) since there are several spy couples that are varying levels of dysfunctional.

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger. Family dynamics and existential angst. Kind of obsessed with the dialogue and turn of phrase in this.

Watching the winter Olympics! Yay figure skating and snowboarding and hockey and all kinds of cool sports!

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it ends where it began

Sun, 18 Jan 2026 02:56:24 GMT

The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club by Dorothy L. Sayers. Skipped to book 4 for my second try at Lord Peter Wimsey. Again I'm going to say solid but I'm not sold on loving Lord Peter. I am going to try Strong Poison per like a dozen people's recommendation. I did really like ( several things about this! )

The Everlasting by Alix E. Harrow. LOVED THIS <3 The prose was so good and there was so much yearning and devotion and tragedy and it had time travel/time loop and academia and fighting fascism and personally I love second person so the first/second person POV was very enjoyable and it had swap POV of the (mostly) same events and secret code and dragons!? I could go on. I feel like this was written with me in mind.

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2025 books round up

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 19:20:18 GMT

O Pioneers! by Willa Cather. Slice of life in the settlement and farming of Nebraska. This has lovely writing and I really liked it except for the souring I felt at the end. ( spoilers )

This is probably the last book I'll finish in 2025 so, to count up. Total books read in 2025: 48! Or 49 I suppose if I count a book I read for work. So close to 50. This was a really good reading year for me although it corresponded to a not great writing year. Particular favorites were everything by Charlotte Bronte, John Steinbeck, and Octavia Butler, The Blue Castle, and the Dungeon Crawler Carl series.

Time for me to start my annual Lord of the Rings re-watch. Hope everyone has a good new year's!

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put the biscuit in the basket

Fri, 26 Dec 2025 20:19:20 GMT

Hockey season. I do watch actual hockey as one of the only sports I don't find unforgivably boring but this month has also been hockey media.

Half my tumblr dashboard became obsessed with the new gay hockey show Heated Rivalry so I was like 'okay, I will try it' and yeah, it gave me feelings. I am, however, like the 1% of fandom that cares way more about Scott and Kip than Shane and Ilya. I've watched episodes 3 and 5 multiple times. After episode 3 I also decided I was going to read the Scott/Kip book so:

Game Changers by Rachel Reid. This reads like what I imagine hockey RPF fic to be like. Book Kip is annoying to me but I love show Kip. Overall I think the show hugely elevated the source material.

I will now begin my annual Christmas to New Year's vegetating phase :)

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it kills me to be forgotten

Fri, 19 Dec 2025 03:56:50 GMT

Villette by Charlotte Bronte. The level of emotional repression in this!! I love it. Last page made me scream at Charlotte Bronte's ghost. I do wish I'd kept Google translate at my side as I read it. There was a good amount of French dialogue that I only absorbed contextually.

And in TV, I watched My Adventures with Superman (season 2) which continues to be very fun and cute.

How is it only 1 week til Christmas?! I am not prepared.

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you have failed this city

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 03:03:21 GMT

Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson. Adventures in the Scottish Highlands.

Queen Demon by Martha Wells. Always love Martha Wells' emotionally repressed protagonist voice. Is it wrong that my favorite part of this was the feral, claw-hooved omnivorous Arike horses? <3

In TV, I re-watched Arrow (season 1) and yes it is a silly show but I do really enjoy season 1 where Oliver is just going around shooting people with arrows and we get the Slade and Oliver relationship before everything goes fully insane. I watched the show for them and then season 2 betrayed me so bad! Literally considering a sequel to my now 8-year-old season 1 AU fic where everyone lives and stays friends. Also, shout out to Chris GM51 who collected the flashback scenes into a YouTube playlist so I can just watch the backstory.

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my heart's an autoclave

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 22:25:19 GMT

Whose Body? by Dorothy L. Sayers. Book 1 of the Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries series. I've been considering reading these for awhile and this was solid but I feel maybe over-hyped. It took me until the last quarter to really get into it. That said, the detail of Lord Peter having shell-shock from WWI added a lot and the conclusion was good. I may read some more but not immediately.

In TV, I finished:

Slow Horses (season 5). Always enjoy my dumbass incompetent spies--except River is on thin ice to me in the final episode regarding his insane lack of self-awareness. Not perhaps my favorite season but I think that will remain season 4 because the focus on River and his grandfather appealed to me.

Great British Baking Show (season 13). Nice bakers making nice things <3

In other news, I am signed up for rec_cember so prepare for some vid and fic recs from me in December!

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that's a hard no, carl

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 02:38:39 GMT

Cannery Row by John Steinbeck. The library didn't have East of Eden available so I grabbed this Steinbeck instead and it was good. Kind of a collection of slice of life stories set in the same neighborhood. The characters are funny and odd and overall just feel real in a way that's hard to describe.

This Inevitable Ruin by Matt Dinniman. Latest Dungeon Crawler Carl book! Continues to be fun and insane. Apparently we are getting book 8 release next year and there is a TV series in the works but now I must wait.

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pick me up and dust me off

Thu, 25 Sep 2025 21:35:07 GMT

Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice: The Day of Reckoning by Jude Watson. Reading old YA Star Wars books in an effort to get my Obi-Wan angst brain back in gear. I stalled out on a fic I started back in January. Someday I'll find the book in this series that has the Melida/Daan backstory we all love and I've absorbed by fandom osmosis.

Despite my attempt to work on the Star Wars fic, I instead started a new XMFC fic for X-Men Remix Madness 2025. Love that Remix fest is still going after all these years.

In other news, I finally upgraded the OS on my laptop which I absolutely hate doing and lo and behold it is Annoying. Oh, now my programs don't work and I have to go download new versions?? And the old versions were better?? If only I could just take the security patches.

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nobody expects the spanish inquisition

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 02:09:10 GMT

Amongst Our Weapons by Ben Aaronovitch
Stone and Sky by Ben Aaronovitch

I know I just said I was taking a break from book reading but I already had these from the library and after the length of the Dungeon Crawler Carl books they just seemed really doable. Also I did manage to get some of my life things I've been procrastinating on done so yay.

Creatively I feel like I've been procrastinating on any and all of my projects for months so I am attempting the communal_creators challenge through October 15th. I want to write! I want to vid! I want to bookbind! Please muse come back to me.

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viva la revolucion, carl

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 02:52:36 GMT

The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook by Matt Dinniman
The Gate of the Feral Gods by Matt Dinniman
The Butcher's Masquerade by Matt Dinniman
The Eye of the Bedlam Bride by Matt Dinniman

Carl and Princess Donut ily. I haven't had this level of reading obsession in awhile. I'm over here going through like 200 pages a day. There's one more book published and technically I could buy it on Kindle immediately but it comes out in print on the 23rd and I need to actually get some things in my life together before I lose another week to a 900 page book.

This week also finished out my two current weekly TV shows:

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (season 3): ( spoilers )

Foundation (season 3): ( spoilers )

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nothing could be that perverse without premeditation

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 03:25:59 GMT

A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M Miller Jr. Humanity virtually annihilates itself via nuclear weapons and then goes through thousands of rebuilding years. This sounds really dark, and it is really dark, but also the abbots of the Order of Saint Leibowitz are very funny. I see why a lot of people have profound feeling about this novel.

Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman. I saw a couple of recommendations for this series on tumblr and it is indeed extremely fun! Aliens mine the Earth and send millions of people--including Carl and his cat Princess Donut--into what is essentially a Twitch live-streamed video game where they have to survive to escape. I'm not much of a video game person but it's still an accessible read.

Carl's Doomsday Scenario by Matt Dinniman. Continued adventures of Carl and Princess Donut! These books are 400 to 900 page bricks yet I am burning through them. Next!

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they'll make a god of her

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 22:17:24 GMT

Parable of the Talents by Octavia E. Butler. Sequel to Parable of the Sower that I read last month. Even more gripping and brutal than the first book. Some of it is really like reading an analysis of the current state of America and it (in 1998) literally predicted the 'make America great again' slogan. Interesting use of diary/journal format and the main character's daughter's commentary on the journals.

In TV, I watched Careme which is kind of like The Bear but they're sexy spies in Napoleonic France. I enjoyed the spy shenanigans but I don't think I care enough about food to appreciate a lot of these food-focused shows.

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that's just human nature

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 02:18:26 GMT

World War Z by Max Brooks. How the world reacts to the zombie apocalypse. This was very compelling and I liked the structure as various interviews. Not a huge fan of the writing. It's intended to be transcripts from a bunch of different people but the POVs didn't feel very distinct to me and a there were passages where it just felt like descriptive writing, which would be fine except it was supposed to be dialogue, and in my head I was like 'who talks like this'? Although dialogue is not my strong point so maybe that's just me. I watched the Brad Pitt movie after and it was fine but bears almost no resemblance to the the book at all lol.

False Value by Ben Aaronovitch. Magical police of London. I've fallen behind on reading this series but I still enjoy it. For some reason this particular book was incredibly hard to find in print. I remember having it on my Kindle at least twice and forgetting about it as I do with all ebooks.

In TV, I watched Department Q. Fine detective show though I didn't feel a strong spark for it. I appreciated that it's Scottish and that they gave us an interesting and borderline unlikeable female character to go along with the interesting and borderline unlikeable male lead.

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i can see it like a prophecy

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 21:12:23 GMT

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. Wow, this is one of the classics that did not disappoint me. I feel the rage over how capitalism and the quest for profits, by people and organizations who frankly do not need them, destroy the lives and dignity of ordinary people. This was written in 1939 and the fact that it's still so relevant is gutting. Not a fast-paced book by any means but overall just really well written details and emotional impact. East of Eden on my list for more Steinbeck later.

In TV, I watched The Undeclared War (season 1). Another show specifically watched due to my random sudden attachment to Simon Pegg and discovered through a tumblr post by someone else going through Simon Pegg obsession. This is a British show about cyberattacks and misinformation campaigns and while it was somewhat slow because it really does focus on the cyber stuff and doesn't just use that as a backdrop for more exciting spy things like a lot of shows would, it got pretty real. I was like, okay, this is indeed a political thriller and hits really close to some serious anxiety areas. That said, I will watch season 2 when it comes out. I like the way they visualized analyzing code as like an escape room type mystery and I find Saara to be an interesting and messy protagonist.

And movies! I went to see the new Superman which I thought was good and the new Fantastic Four which was fine but mostly just reminded me that no matter how good the cast is I unfortunately find Fantastic Four to be hopelessly boring.

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pry them loose from the rotting past

Sat, 26 Jul 2025 22:11:48 GMT

Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler. Gripping, terrifyingly plausible post-apocalyptic America where climate change has made L.A. unlivable and the protagonist sets out to make a better life. Read this through in two days and have the sequel on hold.

In TV, I finished Spaced (seasons 1 & 2). Funny British show where the two main characters Tim and Daisy pretend to be a couple so they can rent a flat that will only rent to a professional couple and the friend group has a lot of hijinks. Perfect time capsule of 90s/Y2K. I'd never heard of this show but I'm in a Simon Pegg phase from my Mission Impossible hyperfixation. I also watched Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World's End for the first time. The movies I knew about through general pop culture osmosis but I didn't really think I'd like them because they're kind of silly comedy and I don't tend to watch a lot of comedy but I enjoyed them a lot!

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i could carve a better man out of a banana

Sat, 12 Jul 2025 02:28:28 GMT

Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut. Darkly funny history of the lead up to the in-universe end of the world.

Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, And Still Live Happily Ever After by Bella DePaulo. A kind of hilarious hit job on the American cultural obsession with marriage.

In TV I finished:

Murderbot (season 1): I think this got better as the season went on. I have some mixed feelings about how the PreservationAux team was adjusted from the book and seemed more slapstick than competent sometimes but the finale was great and I love them and Murderbot with my whole heart. Love how much Sanctuary Moon content we got! Season 2 already renewed yay!

I also watched The Old Guard 2 and it was not great but I enjoyed seeing the characters again. KPop Demon Hunters, however, I fully recommend for a fun time.

And Foundation season 3 is back! Let's goooooo!

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the reason for living is getting ready to stay dead

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 21:07:39 GMT

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner. Even more impenetrable stream of consciousness style than Mrs. Dalloway but eventually I started to grasp what was going on and all the narrators and their unreliability. Like, Cora, your impressions are laughably off base. Darl, you committed arson and your POV chapter doesn't even indicate it except mildly in retrospect. Addie, your only POV chapter is literally after you are dead. Put this book on the Weird But Interesting shelf.

In RL, I continue my organization spree. I can see my craft space again so maybe I will re-start one of the projects I've been stalling on.

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here was one room; there another

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 22:46:08 GMT

Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. Slow paced since it's literally just about a day in the life of a woman planning a party but I liked the writing. It flows through a lot of perspectives and shows how differently everyone sees each other and themselves and their shared past and it's not afraid to be kind of confusingly figurative. Would read more Virginia Woolf.

In other news, I have been on a huge organization spree. On the one hand, I am intellectually aware that my sudden encompassing desire to organize my entire living space is probably due to the fact that things are really unstable and weird at work and I want to control things in a sphere of my life that I can control. On the other hand, I have purged so much old junk, particularly paper--my nemesis--and like motivation is motivation. I might clean the garage next. I might wash the windows for the first time since I moved here. The sky's the limit.

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